Mentor Tips: Reflective Essays for Those Who Guide Mentees
There are moments when you begin to notice that what you have been offering to others is something you also need to receive. You may not recognize it immediately, because your attention has been oriented outward as you focus on supporting, guiding, and responding to what someone else is carrying. Over time, however, you may find yourself in a place where clarity feels distant, where your own questions begin to surface, and where the posture you have held for others becomes something you are learning to inhabit for yourself. In those moments, the direction of the light begins to shift, not away from your role, but deeper into it.
Mentoring has long been understood as a relational process grounded in trust, mutuality, and human dignity, where growth emerges through dialogue rather than direction alone. Foundational scholars emphasize that learning and development occur within relationships that honor the agency and voice of the individual, rather than imposing outcomes or solutions from the outside (Freire, 1970; Rhodes, 2005). When you enter into mentoring, you step into a space where both people are shaped by the interaction, even when the roles appear asymmetrical. This foundation reminds you that mentoring is not a one-directional act of giving, but a relational process that allows both participants to be formed over time.
As you begin to sit with this shift, you may notice that your reasons for mentoring are not fixed, but layered and evolving. Research on mentor motivation shows that individuals often enter mentoring with a combination of personal values, relational commitments, and a desire to contribute to something larger than themselves, and these motivations continue to develop as their experiences deepen (Rangel et al., 2021). What may have started as an outward focus can gradually expand to include your own need for understanding, connection, and growth, especially as you encounter moments that challenge your sense of clarity. Receiving light does not contradict your role as a mentor. It reveals that your role has always included movement in both directions.
At the same time, the act of mentoring shapes you in ways that may not be immediately visible, because those changes develop gradually through repeated interaction rather than isolated moments. Studies following mentors over time show that individuals often develop stronger communication skills, deeper empathy, and a more refined ability to navigate complex relational situations as a result of their mentoring experiences (Martínez Oquendo et al., 2022). You may not notice these changes while they are forming, because they are embedded within the work itself, but they become visible when you encounter situations where you must draw on them for your own decision-making and reflection. What you have learned through supporting others becomes part of how you begin to understand your own experiences.
This movement between giving and receiving also reflects the broader structure within which mentoring takes place, because mentoring does not exist in isolation but within systems of shared support. Research on mentoring programs emphasizes that communities become stronger when individuals are able to move between roles, contributing to others while also receiving support when needed, which creates environments where care is distributed rather than concentrated (Meltzer & Saunders, 2020). When you find yourself needing light, you are not stepping outside of mentoring. You are participating in the same relational system that makes mentoring sustainable over time.
As you begin to recognize this, you may see that receiving light is not a departure from your role, but an extension of it that deepens your understanding of what mentoring requires. The presence you have offered to others becomes something you are learning to accept for yourself, and in that process, your understanding of mentoring becomes more grounded and more human. The light does not move in only one direction. It moves through the relationship, shaping both the one who offers it and the one who receives it.
Over time, you may come to trust that these moments are not interruptions, but invitations that allow you to experience the same care, patience, and attentiveness you have extended to others. When you receive that presence, you begin to understand your role more fully, not only as someone who offers light, but as someone who remains open to it. And in that openness, the work of mentoring continues, not as a fixed role, but as a shared experience that unfolds over time.
Explore This Further in the Mentor Training
If you want to deepen how you think about moments like this in your own mentoring, you can continue exploring these ideas through the Lightstand Project’s free mentor training. The training helps you grow in how you respond in real situations, build relationships over time, and support meaningful development through your presence and practice. You can explore the training below.
CEP Mentor Training: Foundations of Relational Mentoring
This reflection is informed by research on mentoring relationships, mentor development, and community-based support.
References
Freire, P. (1970). Pedagogy of the oppressed. Continuum.
Meltzer, A., & Saunders, I. (2020). Cultivating supportive communities for young people: Mentor pathways into and following a youth mentoring program. Children and Youth Services Review, 110.
Martínez Oquendo, P., VanWyngaarden, K. N., & Cutucache, C. E. (2022). Lived experiences of former STEM undergraduate mentors of an afterschool mentoring program: An interpretative phenomenological analysis. The Qualitative Report, 27(10), 2157–2173.
Rangel, V. S., Jones, S., Doan, V., Henderson, J., Greer, R., & Manuel, M. (2021). The motivations of STEM mentors. Mentoring & Tutoring: Partnership in Learning, 29(4), 353–388.
Rhodes, J. E. (2005). A model of youth mentoring. In Handbook of youth mentoring (pp. 30–43).
