Mentor Tips: Reflective Essays for Those Who Guide Mentees
There are moments when you begin to realize that what you have been offering has been reaching further than you intended. You may not have set out to mentor in any formal sense, and you may not have named what you were doing as guidance or support. Yet over time, you begin to notice small shifts in others, in how they think, respond, or move forward, and you recognize that your presence has played a role in shaping those changes. In these moments, mentoring invites you to reconsider what it means to influence others, especially when that influence has developed without clear intention.
Mentoring has long been understood as a relational and developmental process that often extends beyond formal roles, where influence emerges through interaction, shared experience, and ongoing connection. Foundational perspectives emphasize that individuals grow not only through structured guidance, but through relationships that shape how they understand themselves and their possibilities over time (Freire, 1970; Rhodes, 2005). When you begin to see mentoring in this way, you recognize that influence is not always deliberate, but can emerge through the ways you show up consistently in the lives of others.
As you reflect on these experiences, you may begin to notice that informal mentoring plays a significant role in how people develop, particularly when support arises naturally within everyday interactions. Research on mentoring access shows that many individuals benefit from informal mentoring relationships that are not defined by formal roles, but by the presence of someone who listens, responds, and offers perspective over time (Gowdy et al., 2020). When you engage with others in these ways, you contribute to their growth even if you do not identify yourself as a mentor.
At the same time, mentoring can shape not only the development of the mentee, but your own understanding of who you are within the relationship. Studies of mentoring experiences highlight that individuals often come to recognize their role as mentors through reflection on their interactions, particularly as they see the impact of their presence over time (Martínez Oquendo et al., 2022). This process of recognition allows you to name what may have previously felt unstructured, bringing greater awareness to how your actions, responses, and presence contribute to the growth of others.
You may also find that this realization brings a new sense of responsibility, especially as you begin to see how your words and actions carry influence beyond what is immediately visible. Research on mentoring challenges suggests that recognizing one’s influence can lead to a more intentional approach to supporting others, as mentors become more aware of how their presence shapes relational dynamics and developmental outcomes (Weisling & Gardiner, 2022). In these moments, awareness becomes a catalyst for growth, not only for the mentee, but for you as well.
Over time, you may come to understand that the light you carry is not something you acquire in a single moment, but something that develops through your experiences, relationships, and reflections. You begin to see that mentoring is not limited to formal roles or structured programs, but exists within the ways you engage with others in everyday life. This understanding allows you to approach your interactions with greater intention, recognizing that influence is often present even when it is not explicitly named.
As you continue to reflect on these moments, you may recognize that becoming aware of the light you carry is not about elevating your role, but about deepening your responsibility to use it with care. You begin to see that your presence has the capacity to shape how others think, grow, and move forward, and that this influence is most meaningful when it is grounded in attentiveness, humility, and consistency. In doing so, you step more fully into the work of mentoring, not as something you take on, but as something you come to recognize over time.
Explore This Further in the Mentor Training
If you want to deepen how you think about moments like this in your own mentoring, you can continue exploring these ideas through the Lightstand Project’s free mentor training. The training is designed to help you grow in how you respond in real situations, build relationships over time, and support meaningful development through your presence and practice. You can explore the training below.
This reflection is informed by research on mentoring relationships, mentor development, and community-based support.
References
Freire, P. (1970). Pedagogy of the oppressed. Continuum.
Gowdy, G., Miller, D. P., & Spencer, R. (2020). Expanding and deepening our understanding of which young people are most likely to have an informal mentor. Children and Youth Services Review, 108.
Martínez Oquendo, P., VanWyngaarden, K. N., & Cutucache, C. E. (2022). Lived experiences of former STEM undergraduate mentors of an afterschool mentoring program: An interpretative phenomenological analysis. The Qualitative Report, 27(10), 2157–2173.
Rhodes, J. E. (2005). A model of youth mentoring. In Handbook of youth mentoring (pp. 30–43).
Weisling, N. F., & Gardiner, W. (2022). No more nice mentors. Phi Delta Kappan, 104(4), 42–47.
